I am a part of a facebook group where "birth mothers" are supposed to support each other. I'm actually an administrator on the page- so I create discussions/comments etc. It has been AMAZING to me to see some of the terrible things people say/feel about adoption. Growing up in the land full of Mormons- I've always thought adoption was a great thing- families were so happy and it is such a beautiful blessing when people are able to become parents who wouldn't have been able to otherwise.
I guess not all people think like me.
I've been told I'm a terrible person for just "giving my child away". If "I loved her" I would never have abandoned her. Supposedly- she will grow up hating me and in pain her entire life because of the choice I made.
I can't tell you how many times I've felt like I was stabbed in the chest when I read things people say. But as terrible as people can make you feel for that second...I can honestly say I am COMPLETELY at peace with my decision. I have NEVER once regretted what I did. It's very hard to explain to people that Heavenly Father told me what to do. I have never had a revelation like what I did that day- and its something so spiritual to me that I don't believe many people can understand it, and that's okay.
I believe children are a beautiful gift sent from God. I believe children in Heaven choose whose families they will be coming to. I believe Kennedy chose her parents. I believe that for some reason, she came through me to be with them. I still see a part of me every time I look at her- and I know someday she'll come to me with questions- but I hope someday she will come to me and thank me. And I really think she will.
I have heard so many times, "I could never give my child away"- and you know what- I'm pretty sure I spoke those EXACT words because I went through my experience. Given the choice to make the right decision for your child, no matter how hard it may be, I HOPE that most mothers would make the right one (no matter what it may be). I could have raised my daughter- she would have been surrounded by love...but I knew she wasn't meant for me...and that was that. I feel no pressure to please others- I don't need your acceptance- I am at peace. I am happy. I am SO blessed.
By the way- I would be more than happy to answer ANY questions anyone may have- no matter how intrusive you may think you're being. I am an open book about my life- and its actually therapeutic to talk about everything, I'm not one of those "brush it under the rug" types.
P.S. Got an email today from Kennedy's mom- and 3 emails of pictures. I made one cute little girl. :)
I honestly have thought about leaving that page because of all the hurtful things people have said. I only became a "fan" recently, and I hate that there is so little support on it. I want to apologize for speaking up, and maybe sometimes sounding mean or rude. But I'm not a birthmom who will sit quietly as others bash the birthmoms who did what they thought was right.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am with you about my decision being something God wanted, I call him my son, but I never once felt that I was meant to raise him.
Amanda- no, THANK YOU! I think every birth mom should stand up for what she believes in. When I first joined that group I was attacked horribly, and ended up leaving the group. Then the creator of the group came to me asking for help- because she didn't know what to do. She made me an admin and asked me to come back- so I did. People can say what they want- and sure, it stings, but it makes me stronger in the long haul...and I figure if I can help one person while I'm there- it's good enough for me. I'm in the process of removing those vicious people from the group. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, you're welcome. I just can't believe some people on there...My heart truly breaks for the ones who had a bad experience, and who felt they had no other choice.
ReplyDeleteBrit that hurts me that people would say things like that. I have NEVER in my ENTIRE LIFE thought any of those things about adoption or birth moms.. I think being a mom you would do anything for you child.. and I think that is what you did. I think you are a wonderful person.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there are a lot of people who don't see it as you do, and think that what we did was a selfish act, not a selfless act. And you're right, as a mother, we did the ultimate sacrifice for our children. So thank you for being one of the few who actually think highly of birth moms.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kimber, love you too missy. I think a lot of times it's just pure ignorance...and it's really sad. I just wish more people were educated before they decided to say things. It has definitely helped me to become less judgmental on just about every situation :)
ReplyDeleteBritney,
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know you are SO amazing. No joke. I made the decision to keep my son after tons of prayer and I can't even comprehend how painful it would be to accept the answer had it been to place him. So just know I admire you like no other! I am on your side about how amazing adoption is. I've seen it touch so many lives in beautiful ways, so know that I am a definite supporter! Love you!
-Vanessa
Thank you so much Vanessa. You are such a beautiful girl and I am so excited for you to become a mommy! He's gonna be one cute little boy :)
ReplyDeleteHey! I am friends with Amber and Alli..and Aaron when we were in high school..anyway..I just came across this. I think you are AMAZING!!! I don't know how people could say those things! It is terrible!
ReplyDeleteMy sister had her son just a few months before she graduated high school. She didn't give him up for adoption. But she doesn't raise him either. Since he was about a year old my parents have gotten legal custody of him. He is now almost 14. He has only ever met his dad once..when he was a year old.
Anyway, I tell you this because just a couple months ago he told me that he wants to meet his dad. I asked him if he was angry with him. He told me no. He said that his dad was young (although he was about 2 years older than my sister was) and wasn't ready to be a parent. He said that he understood that but he doesn't understand why he doesn't see him anymore. He told me it hurts him more that his mom is around..but not around. He knows his mom but she is still not around much for him and that just kills him inside.
So if you KNEW what you did was the right thing for you and your beautiful daughter then it would have been a worse thing for her to have you around but..not around..I think what you did was a very noble thing and takes a VERY strong person!! I know words do hurt but just try to smile through the pain and stay such a strong woman!