5 years!

Today is miss Kennedy's 5th birthday! I seriously can't believe it's been 5 years. I also can't seriously believe that within about 4-5 weeks, I'm going to be doing the whole baby thing all over again. Terrifying, but amazing!

We're headed to Utah this weekend for her birthday party- and it seems as the years pass, everything gets easier for me. She has become more of a part of my extended family I feel like, than my daughter. Most likely I feel this way because I know I obviously haven't raised her. To see her call her adoptive mom "mom" is exactly what I like to hear/see. To know she lives a dream life with her family puts me at ease. I know making the decision to place her for adoption isn't something everyone agrees with, but I know I did at least one thing right by choosing the absolute best parents for her that I could have. They are heaven sent.

I've kind of come to a crossroads where adoption becomes a little more confusing. I'm not sure exactly what Kennedy knows about me, about who she thinks my family is. I haven't asked her mom- all I know is that Kennedy knows my entire family by name, and knows that we all love her. I'd assume she'd have asked some questions, because she's crazy smart (and her 9 year old brother still sees his birth mom from time to time). I'm also not sure how to continue our relationship as my personal family starts to grow. I can either be upfront and honest from the get go with my children...or I can "hide" my past persay- and once they are old enough, they'll be told about it. For me personally, I think honesty is the best policy- and there is no reason to hide something like that from them, but it will be something my husband and I need to talk through before that decision is made.

I kind of got off topic. Here's to you Kennedy, I hope you have the best princess filled 5th birthday a little girl could dream of! I'll post pictures on Sunday. :)

(this is from my baby shower at the beginning of June)  :)

Glenn Beck

I've always liked Glenn Beck (don't hate me for it). I heard that today on his radio show he was mentioning birth moms. I guess him and his wife have adopted- and have had an amazing experience. Just read this quote from his show and loved it- thought I should share,

"This little girl was a hero. She was a remarkable superhero. Raphe doesn’t need Spiderman or Superman; he’s got his natural mother as an example of what real superheroes do. Real superheroes don’t think about themselves. Real superheroes don’t make their life all about them. Real superheroes do the hard thing, and I can’t imagine anything tougher than giving birth to a child and giving that child away and then wondering your whole life what’s happening in his day."


...I'm not calling myself a superhero, because I think that's ridiculous. But I do think the high regard he holds his son's natural mother in is a beautiful thing. 

You can find him and his wife's adoption story here: http://fsaaf.blogspot.com/2008/09/glen-and-tania-becks-adoption-journey.html

Interview

Stole this off a fellow birth mom's blog. :)

1. What emotions did you experience when you initially found out about the pregnancy?

I was in shock. I think I was actually in shock my entire pregnancy, to be honest. I went through a lot of depression and confusion.

2. Did you plan for single-parenting or marriage?

Never planned on marriage. I was planning on single parenting from the get go

3. Why did you consider adoption? Did you consider abortion as an option?

I didn't consider adoption. I also said a firm no to abortion (I'm pro life). I didn't even TALK about adoption until Kennedy was 6 weeks old

4. What were your major concerns when considering adoption?

I just wanted her to be raised how I would raise her- and have a loving family.

5. Did you have any specifications when searching for your adoptive couple?

I wanted them to be a lot like my parents- I wanted them to raise her like I was raised. And to be strong LDS (Mormon) members.

6. How long into the pregnancy did you wait before selecting a couple?

Didn't even look into it until she was 6 weeks old.

7. Looking at the way your birth child is being raised, are there any parenting practices you disagree with? Or value differences?

No. I picked the PERFECT family for my daughter, and I wouldn't change a thing. They give her everything I could have imagined wanting her to have in life.

8. Is there anything you would change about your current placement?

No. I think everything went as well as I could have pictured it going.

9. How do you feel about the adoptive parents? Is the relationship open/closed? Would you change the current arrangement?

I love her parents. They feel like family to me! It's a super open relationship (we actually email a few times a week, see each other every couple months). Wouldn't change a thing.

10. Do you want to have more children?

Absolutely. I'm pregnant now, so I sure hope so!

11. How would you feel if you were unable to conceive again? Would you consider adopting?

I was VERY worried about this. It took my husband and I about 9 months to get pregnant, so I started to get a bit nervous towards the last few months (since I got pregnant the first time last time). I would have definitely considered adoption- I wouldn't have ever done IVF or anything (just not my thing- I'd rather adopt).

Announcement.

Thought I should probably post my big announcement on this blog as well.

I'm pregnant! 9 weeks 1 day along today...and feeling like crap. :)

Smells are horrible, I get crazy headaches, I am dizzy all the time, and nausea is overwhelming. Bloated like crazy (or already showing- who the heck knows). The things we voluntarily do to have a little one- sheesh! Haha.

Pregnancy this time has definitely brought on an array of emotions- much different than last time. I've told myself SEVERAL times over the last 2 years that I couldn't wait to be pregnant, I was just scared about the actually having a baby at home part. Now, not so much. I must have done a great job at blocking out the bad parts of pregnancy in my mind- because being back in it- they instantly came flooding back. I do NOT love being pregnant. Pregnancy sickness is horrid, it's like the stomach flu 24/7. Luckily they have medication to help out now...or I'd be completely useless. Aaron has been AMAZING to me- he has cooked just about all of our meals, cleans the house...and even found time to surprise me with a gift certificate for a massage. I can't explain how blessed I feel this time around to have such a supportive man by my side- he makes life so much easier for me. Having said that- I am SO thankful that I have the opportunity to be pregnant again.

I'm already very scared about the way this baby is going to make his/her appearance. My last labor experience was very traumatic- ending in an emergency c section. This time I can try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) or have a scheduled c-section. I'm very back and forth on this. It's an emotional decision for me- and one I don't think I'll be making until close to my due date.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their continued love and support. We are VERY excited to start our forever family with this little one- and I am completely terrified at the same time. I'll continue to write my personal feelings on this blog- as well as pictures of the already growing bump and what not.

Love you all.